You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
