Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
