dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
