did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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