i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
