I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
