i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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