wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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