life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
