dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
