We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
