All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
