i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
