yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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