all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
