WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
