my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
