um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
