I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
