it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
