Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
