how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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