just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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