his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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