I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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