heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She even gives head with a lisp.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
