You're my little dorito
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
