the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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