Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize