I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
