When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
