a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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