I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
tell me about the fingering
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