Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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