You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
there is puke in my bra ... again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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