He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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