My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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