i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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