I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
