real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
