i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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