Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A+ Viking dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
