didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
