A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
