Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
