you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
