I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
