To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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