U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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