you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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