I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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