he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
