I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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