I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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