Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
