1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
