you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
