Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
