I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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