At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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