As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
