It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this just has baby written all over it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
