Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
