i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
